Fallen NEVER Forsaken

Less than a year in med school and I know that I am at the end of my rope. My own strength will fail me. Pang-sprint lang akong strength, pero marathon man ni. Today, I am reminded of my true source of strength: The Lord God (I thank Victory Church's Sunday Service and the book I'm currently reading titled "The Way of A Pilgrim" by Bacovcin for being God's instruments for this reminder). I am God's Plan A and I have a gift to fulfill His purpose. I need to be constantly reminded that God's purpose requires excellence, which is why I am trained and molded the hard way. The Lord secures my anxious heart, He holds my future.

Some excerpts from quiet times :)

I say: I cannot do it.

God says: Let me do it through you. Watch Me.

I say: I am anxious with the outcome. What will become of me if I fail?

God says: Be secured with my love and my plan. If you fail, you are still my Dena. Cry, if you must, but know that I will never leave you or forsake you.

I say: Then let Your Will be done. I'll just sleep and have fun. Your plan, right? Perhaps if I let it all go, I'd miraculously emerge victorious.

God says: My daughter, you still have your part to play on this. I won't be the one shading those little circles for you. I won't be the one holding the stethoscope, although I will ultimately do the curing. I am not your instrument of healing. Rather, you are mine. I am preparing you for your future. 

I say: You could have led me/impressed on me an easier lifetime vocation, one that suits my talents and skills.

God says: Oh, who told you that your gifts of writing, singing, public speaking, etc. etc. don't suit this vocation? Are you even sure that I intend for you to become a doctor? In my time, love, not yours. According to my plan, darling, not yours. *wink wink*

I say: Nobody understands. Nobody knows how to comfort me. I feel so alone. I cannot seem to talk to someone about my fears without the fear of being judged.

God says: Ahem ahem. You were saying?

To end this post, here's an excerpt from The Way of A Pilgrim:

"The fact is that we are alienated from ourselves; we run in order to avoid meeting ourselves and we exchange truth for trinkets while we say, 'I would like to have time for prayer and spiritual life but the cares and difficulties of this life demand all my time and energies.' And what is more important and necessary, the eternal life of the soul or the temporary life of the body about which man worries so much? It is this choice which man makes that either leads him to wisdom or keeps him in ignorance."

Rebuked? I know I am.