Being the great procrastinator that I am, I decided to skim over my previous blog posts instead of studying. This write-up from December 2012 still holds true today, especially now that I decided to have a child in the distant future (like really distant, more or less 10 years from now).
Pre-requisite: I'll have a sperm donor (or maybe a husband) to conceive and I'll actually have the capacity for conception.
My children can choose whoever they want to become someday.
I swear on the eggs of my ovaries that my unborn children will be given enough freedom to choose who they want to become, provided that they know why they want to become that way. Pardon the funny mental image instilled as I swore on my ova.
Also, unmet father of my children (if any and if applicable), you need to understand that we will be raising our children to the best of our capabilities but we need to understand as well that we could only do so much. We cannot shove down our beliefs down the throats of our children if we want them to be strong and confident in facing life head-on or, as I would like to put it, if we'd like them to grow some balls (whether imaginary or actual).
The decisions that they will someday make include but are not limited to the following: gender, religion, career path.
Gender: "Anak, may boyfriend ka na ba? Girlfriend, meron na?"
The absence or presence of a penis will not dictate your role in life, my child. I will give you equal access to trucks, guns, dolls, and playhouses. Oh, it would be a delight for me if you preferred the unisex educational toys. Point is, I would not want you to be pressured to find a girlfriend (if you're a boy) in your pubertal years. So what if you're a little boy who loves to dress up as the Little Mermaid on Halloween? I'll make you fabulous, little one, if that's what you want. This world has its boxed up views of who should marry who, that they tend to forget that the point of being in a relationship is love before and above all else. I would rather have you open up to me about your relationship status, your first kiss (and other things beyond that), and problems regarding that. I would rather have you asking me questions about sex and love in an accepting atmosphere, than you being coiled up in a closet. It is, however, a mistake to think that I would like you to become a homosexual for that in itself contradicts my principle of you realizing the role you will be portraying for the rest of your life. Hetero- homo- bi- trans-, I will love and accept you.
Religion: "Katoliko kang ipinanganak, Katoliko kang mamamatay... or not"
This is probably one of the most controversial things that I have encountered thus far. It is rather difficult to explain this to others since their own beliefs cloud their minds whenever this sensitive topic on religion is talked about. My principle on religion is this: we are all made to worship. However, we cannot dictate who or what to worship. Yes, this includes the atheists who say that they do not believe in God. Nevertheless, they worship or give unusual value for something, may it be a relationship, an object or a trait (e.g. love). As I think about it now, they are actually disregarding God while giving value for His manifestation. It's a matter of understanding and justifying your beliefs, or lack thereof. For me, religions are mere vehicles for praising a common God. I may have said this before somewhere in this blog, but I know that God's majesty cannot and should not be encompassed by a single religion. No, this is not a belief, this is what I know. More important than my child doing the sign of the cross or adhering to rituals is the fact that he/she is making a conscious effort to be of service to other creations, his/her love and concern for God and His manifestations.
Career path: "If you will it, you can do it."
The question here is not about the specific career that needs to be pursued. Sure it would be a great source of pride to have a child who's a doctor or a lawyer but it would be great as well to have a child who's a great mother (if she decides to marry at an early age) or maybe a prolific artist of sorts. More than a specific career path, it would please me greatly to have children who pour their hearts out in pursuit of their dreams. All we can do is give them pieces of advice for the pro's and con's of their decisions but the final say must come from them. By any twist of fate, I may not realize my other dream of becoming a lawyer. However, this is not a reason for me to push a child to realize my dream. I had my time, my destiny. It's that child's time to live his/her own destiny.
Please do not consider this as a manifestation of my disillusioned dream to become a mother, O.K. These are my views of how children should be raised. I believe that parents are guides, not molds. They are like trellises that vines can follow as they grow but those same vines can still stray to where the sun shines, given that they are strong enough to continue growing.
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