Tandem Walk

So... O.K., I think I topped my lack of self-discipline today, in like forever. Finals is coming up in five days and instead of panic-studying, my lack of good judgment enabled me to finish the 14-episode first season of L Word. That's more than 15 hours lost, just like that. Well, I tried to read on the side but who am I kidding, I am not Ms. Multitasker of the Year. Every night, I make a promise to my future self that tomorrow, I will go out of the house and actually focus. But then, the next day, I get swallowed up by my very own D.I.Y. vortex of doom. 

I have thoughts related to L Word, though. Here are a few:

Do I really need to establish romantic relationships and have sexual interactions to help me figure out who I am as a person? I don't think I am ready for those anytime soon. This is because I do not know (yet) how to separate romance from intimacy. I think it's very important to undergo such "exploration"-- the figuring out who I am part, I mean. Hmmm... well, I don't really think I'd be able to make such compartmentalization; I'm not closing my door, though. What I am ready for is the discovery of my inner self in order to be O.K. with who I really am. I mean, do I really need someone else's affection or someone else for that matter to determine my true nature? I just can't risk getting hurt. Shit, I must be another heartless hopeless romantic. You know, getting my fix from sappy love songs, etcetera but still walled off from the rest of the world for fear of getting hurt.

Blah, blah, blah. I hate how much of an overthinker I am. What I hate more is the fact that I lack people who would discuss these things with me. Ah, alcohol, how I miss you... you make people so much more interesting and profound than they really are in real life.

(Not related to the topic but a good read nonetheless:
How to Love a Girl Who Doesn't Know How to be Loved)